A special day x

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA Today is my daughter Bella’s seventh birthday.  She was my IVF baby, born after six years of heartache, seven miscarriages and 2 years of no pregnancies (which I am sure was psychological..but it really didn’t help).  With her birth on this day all those years ago I finally became a Mummy.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA I still carry the scar tissue..infertility is a time I wouldn’t wish on anyone –  you beat yourself up for the futility of hoping, nose permanently pressed against the glass, it becomes personal.  A retina searing pain that makes you disappear under the burden of inner reflection..the only person to blame being you.  Something so simple, so natural…so unachievable.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWe literally threw everything we had at it..and we were oh so lucky.  The tides finally turned and she arrived..the most beautiful baby I had ever seen..a fairy child.  And she remains the most beautiful inside and out child to this day…the rarest and most delicate of gifts.  I celebrate.

Laters, Kate x

55 comments

  3. holzfeder

    Your words are so true.
    I write from the side of the no-so-lucky ones.
    Congratulations for your daughter and for a dream come true.

    • MasonBentley

      That fickle finger of fate that decides who can and who can’t..where you walk I feared to tread and I send you all my love. Thank you from a special place for your kind words xxxxx

  5. evelenmargaret

    Congratulations & many happy returns!
    I know what you mean. It took me nine years to get my first daughter. In my first miscarriage I was carrying a dead fotus for 3 weeks inside me . It was discovered by ultrasound in a routine appointment by the doctor. The second miscarriage came 2 years after in a similar way. Years of infertility , several ways to treat it & just as I was about to start with the IVF, I got pregnant. During the pregnacy I had every 2 weeks antibody Gamma 3 infusions in order not to reject the baby. The same 5 years later in my second pregnacy. I thank God for both daughters & my doctor of that time. It is so overwhelming & life changing experience. I feel with you .xxx

    • MasonBentley

      I hear you. But for doctors, things could have been very different..I look back and see it as a fork in the path/milestone in my life and it does make me value what I have xxx

      • evelenmargaret

        Yes motherhood transforms a woman completely, you are reborn in a way too. I was very lucky at that time with my doctor & the health system in Germany at that time ( I’m afraid I have to say is still years ahead from the NHS). I could have also the extremely expensive Gamma3 treatment all that time needed for free. And he was an excellent doctor indeed.
        Enjoy your very special day all of you !xxx

  7. tanicr

    What a beautiful baby and what an amazing present! Being a mum it’s the must precious gift I have ever had in my life! We are so blessed! Happy birthday to beautiful Bella and happy day to you! Xxx

  17. vintageattitude

    Wow! Thank you for sharing this with us all. We all take so much for granted and often forget the grief and pain that others endure to become parents. Happy happy happy day indeed! Xx

  18. agingfashionably

    A good friend recently gave birth to a beautiful little boy after much the same experience. Much joy and happiness to you and your family as you celebrate Bella’s 7th birthday!

  19. Lia in Brussels

    As another one from the side of the-not-so-lucky ones, who grew to accept that motherhood is not for everyone, I hear you loud and clear! Here’s to happy times!

  21. silkpathdiary

    A Very Happy Birthday to Bella! How precious – I was so moved by your post. I had one miscarriage and the heartache and grief is still with me even after a dozen years, you just learn to carry on. So I truly cannot imagine how hard your journey was and I’m so happy that yours had a such a joyful ending.

  22. dievca

    Congratulations! After 3 miscarriages, we decided to leave it alone and forgo children. I commend you for pushing through and choosing another path. Yes, the scars surface once in awhile, but that is life. Lovely photos.

    • MasonBentley

      I can understand. We were living abroad for the first three..when we moved back to the UK I thought things would be different and I would have the help of the medical profession, I think that broke things up for us. The hardest part was going ahead with the IVF knowing my history. We went to every miscarriage doctor we could find..and finally they diagnosed ‘sticky blood’..I was on heparin, steroids and aspirin..but it worked..although we went through IVF again a year later, it worked again..twins..took all the drugs..then I miscarried..it was one of my lowest points ever. Incredibly I fell pregnant naturally the following month..didn’t get the drugs till 5 weeks..but I did get my son Charlie..a true miracle if ever there was one. There is no rhyme or reason but the horror of miscarriage does still haunt my dreams xxxxxxxxx

  25. Abbi

    Congratulations! I’m currently trying to have a baby and it’s taking more time than I’d expected. It’s such an intense process.

    • MasonBentley

      It is so hard. I found the experience very isolating with people not knowing what to say or saying the wrong things…where I found huge solace was on internet support boards – you were anonymous, you could rant, you were with people who just ‘knew’ and the source of information was better than the docs because these girls had experienced everything themselves. It was invaluable. ivillage used to be good – don’t know if it is now and google ‘stirrup queen’..the best infertility resource on the web. I send you love and hope xxxxx

  26. Ana

    Happy birthday to all of you. Great post. Sometimes we just need to hear that there are other out there with the same feelings. There is hope.

  31. kirsty warman

    I hope you had a very lovely day of celebrations!! Like you Kate, we are blessed with only one child and he makes me laugh every day – I look at him sometimes and cannot comprehend how scrumptious he is! Kxx

  33. Fashion Mayann

    “Joyeux Anniversaire”, beautiful Bella ! “7” is quite a magical and mystical number, and it took so long to “produce” her, no wonder she’s such a marvellous kid (like her mother !). XXXXXXX

  38. katdesigner

    That was really beautiful Kate! It brought tears to into my eyes, when the e-mail arrived in my mailbox. I really admire you for trying for this long. I am not sure if I could do the same as I do not feel the need to have one yet and simply keep passing out even during doctor’s appointments and birth talks my friends have. So well done and I wish you, you little girl and you husband all the best. Kat xx